🖐️ Welcome, Aviators

If you were hoping aviation news would calm down this week, bless your heart.

From lawmakers discovering the FAA's NOTAM system is powered by a hamster wheel and a toaster, to a penguin causing more aerodynamic disruption than most budget airlines, it’s been a ride.

We’ve got helicopter joyrides in Detroit (yes, really), a centenarian flight school going down in flames, and a freshly-minted aircraft that comes with a built-in thrill: statistically enhanced crash potential. Buckle up—it’s a bumpy scroll.

Lawmakers Shocked to Discover FAA Still Using a Potato to Run NOTAM System

Congress to FAA: “Hey, remember that whole ‘fix the NOTAM system’ thing?” Despite a law, a deadline, and multiple system faceplants, the FAA’s upgrade plan is basically vibes and a backup server. Lawmakers are now politely screaming into the void.

Straight from the horses mouth: Amy Klobuchar of Minnesota

Aviation Company Marks 100th Birthday with a Viking Funeral for Everyone’s Job

AST, the Scottish flight school that trained half the planet, finally ran out of altitude, airspeed, and money. After 94 years of keeping the lights on, COVID, empty classrooms, and brutal costs clipped its wings—for good.

Read the story at The Scottish Sun.

⚖️ Regulatory and Safety Updates

Drone Safety Testing, Brought to You by the Same Folks Who Run NOTAM

The FAA’s throwing a drone rave in New Jersey—100+ flying gizmos buzzing around to see which ones won’t crash jets or scramble nav systems. Public service reminder: don’t bring your own toys to the chaos.

Read the story at FAA News

🦺 Safety Initiatives

How Not to Be That Pilot: Airfield Safety for the Chronically Oblivious

The FAA, ever the master of stating the obvious, has released hot new guidance: don’t block runways and maybe follow your taxi instructions. Groundbreaking stuff for anyone who’s never seen an airport before.

Read the story at FAA News

🔧 Maintenance and Technology

Fresh from the Hangar: Now 33% More Likely to Crash!

Introducing the latest marvel of modern aviation—meticulously built, barely tested, and now with one-third more plummet! It’s sleek, it’s shiny, and it might spontaneously disassemble before you hit pattern altitude. Perfect for pilots who love the thrill of roulette with wings. First flight? Might also be your last—collector’s edition!

Read the story at General Aviation News

🛫 Airport Developments

Scenic Flights Over Detroit Now Available—Yes, Really

After decades of irrelevance, Coleman A. Young Airport is finally back—with helicopter tours for people who want to escape Detroit vertically. No commercial flights, but hey, there’s a lounge now.

Read the story at Axios

🤯 Weird

Penguin Crashes Helicopter, Remains Adorable

In what might be the most chaotic wildlife cameo since Snakes on a Plane, a penguin in a cardboard box managed to crash a helicopter in South Africa. During takeoff, the box slid off a passenger’s lap and onto the cyclic.

Because apparently seatbelts are only for humans. The helicopter tipped, flopped, and called it a day, while the penguin walked away unbothered, presumably muttering, “That’s what you get for not securing me, Dave.”

No injuries—except to aviation dignity.

Read the story at Vice

🐧 That’s your briefing.

And, the penguin’s back in the box. Until next time.

-Tony

P.S.

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